Chapter Seven

Joyce Lepley returned to her seat just as the worship leader greeted the people and asked them to stand and sing. She looked over at Monica and patted her hand. “I sure am glad you decided to join us.” Mrs. Lepley whispered, then joined in with the others in song.

Monica, of course, didn’t know the song. So she stood and listened politely. The next song was an old hymn, and the words worked their way out of the recesses of her memory.

This time though, instead of singing them out of habit, she really listened to the words. She had to stop singing because she was in awe of how the words spoke straight to her heart.

“Hallelujah, what a Saviour! Hallelujah what a Friend! Saving, helping, keeping, loving, He is with me to the end.”

Thoughts of the day flashed through her mind of how Jesus had been speaking to her. He had given her the strength to leave when Joe could have stopped her from coming, He had lovingly comforted her when she felt out of place her, and He was indeed still her Saviour, though she had let herself drift far away from Him.

By the time the preaching started, Monica’s heart had been softened, and she drank up every word. The scriptures the Pastor used, again, pierced her heart and seemed as though they had been planned with her in mind.

“I know last night I shared how a person can join God’s family,” the Pastor began. “How one can leave the family of the Devil and join God’s family. The message I had planned for tonight was to be the next step, if you will. But it will have to wait for another time. I felt pressed by the Holy Spirit of God this afternoon to change my message.

“The Spirit led me to the Psalms. My message tonight is focused on the believer who has separated himself from God through sin, or because of suffering and disappointment in his life. If you have your Bible turn with me to Psalm 4. I’ll read the full text.”

The topic for the sermon immediately grabbed Monica’s attention, though she hadn’t brought a Bible. Now that she thought of it, she wasn’t even sure if she had one. Joyce Lepley leaned over and handed Monica her own Bible turned to the right passage. She smiled as though nothing in the world made her as happy as letting Monica have her Bible.

The Pastor’s strong baritone voice read the scripture with feeling, and Monica hung on every word. Her own thoughts punctuated each verse.

“To the chief Musician on Neginoth, A Psalm of David. Hear me when I call, O God of my righteousness: thou hast enlarged me when I was in distress; have mercy upon me, and hear my prayer.” God had done that today and helped Monica get to the meeting on time, and sober. She had definitely been stressed at the time.

“O ye sons of men, how long will ye turn my glory into shame? how long will ye love vanity, and seek after leasing? Selah.” Monica had turned the glory of the Lord to shame. She hadn’t communicated with Him in years. She had shut Him out when she had probably needed Him most. She had loved vanity. Isn’t that what her addiction was all about?

“But know that the LORD hath set apart him that is godly for himself: the LORD will hear when I call unto him.” Monica certainly wasn’t godly, and didn’t deserve for God to hear her when she called. She wasn’t ‘set apart’. But she thought maybe she wanted to be.

“Stand in awe, and sin not: commune with your own heart upon your bed, and be still. Selah.” Yes, Monica was in awe. God had definitely spoken to her through this service. She would be still and know He was God. She would determine not to sin.

“Offer the sacrifices of righteousness, and put your trust in the LORD.” Yes, Monica would try her best to live right from now on. She wanted to trust in the Lord, and not in the feelings the cocaine gave her. Look where it had gotten her.

Somewhere Monica had a daughter who had run away from home to avoid the abuses Monica herself had brought upon her. Oh, how ashamed she felt! She looked around, sure someone could read the thoughts in her mind, and sense the guilt pumping through her heart.

The Pastor continued. “There be many that say, Who will show us any good? LORD, lift thou up the light of thy countenance upon us.” The only good could come from the Lord, of that Monica was now convinced. Since He began speaking to her this afternoon, she had never felt such calmness, such peace. Monica desired His countenance to shine upon her and heal her from the awful life she had created for herself.

“Thou hast put gladness in my heart, more than in the time that their corn and their wine increased.” More than any physical blessing, Monica desired to have the gladness she remembered from her childhood. She wanted the peace she had seen in her parents’ marriage.

Her parents. She hadn’t thought of them, or spoken to them since shortly after the abortion. She wondered what they were doing now. They sent cards for Christmas and her birthday, so she knew where they lived. She wasn’t surprised they had retired in Tennessee. Her Father had been raised there and had always talked about going back someday.

The commanding baritone of the Pastor nudged her back into the present. “I will both lay me down in peace, and sleep: for thou, LORD, only makest me dwell in safety.” Monica wanted that. She wanted to dwell in safety. She wanted to lay peacefully in her bed at night without thinking about when she would get her next fix.

Monica was tired of worrying about who might show up at her house to claim money she owed them. She just wanted to be able to rest in the arms of the Lord, and let Him be her strength. She was tired of this life.

The Pastor led the people in prayer. Monica was still so caught up in her own thoughts that the prayer and the rest of the sermon blurred by. She only came to herself when Joyce Lepley touched her arm so she could pass to the aisle.

The closing song, again, was one Monica remembered from her childhood church. The words touched her, and she began to weep.

“Come every soul by sin oppressed, there’s mercy with the Lord. And He will surely give you rest by trusting in His Word.”

She knew the words were true, and wanted to make them real in her life. The Pastor was urging people who wanted to change their lives and make a new commitment to Christ to come forward.

Monica stood shakily and went to the front. She was surprised to see Joyce there. She didn’t know what to do next, but Joyce was smiling at her, and walked over.

“Can I pray with you Monica? I could tell during the service that God was speaking to you. Would you like to go outside with me so we can have some privacy?” Monica’s tears were clouding her vision, but she nodded and let Joyce lead her through a side exit.

They sat next to each other on a bench a few yards from the tent. Monica wiped her eyes and played with the front of her dress. She was nervous about being open with a person she had only just met. She wasn’t even sure what she was feeling. Joyce was gentle and didn’t ask Monica to share her thoughts. She just started to pray. Joyce took Monica’s hands in her own.

“Dear Father, we come before you now as little children. We don’t know what to do, or even what to say, but you know our needs. I thank you that you led Monica to the service tonight. God, it is obvious You’ve spoken to her heart in a very real way. I pray, Father that you would put Your arms of comfort around her. Whatever her need may be, God, I pray she would trust You to meet it. I feel sure Lord that You led her to me for a reason, and I intend to fulfill whatever role You would have me play in her relationship with You.

“Thank You God, that You want to be involved in our lives, that You care about our everyday struggles, and that You are waiting and ready to forgive our sin when we confess it. You are a wonderful God. I pray now that You would give me wisdom to help Monica in the way she needs Lord.

“I pray Father that whatever You’ve told her to do, that she will obey. Don’t let anything stop her. I know when she leaves this place tonight there will be all kinds of things the Devil will use to try and make her think what You’ve said isn’t important. Remind her otherwise. Give her a strength and courage she will know is only from You. Thank You in advance for what you will do in her life, and thank You for hearing my prayer. In the name of Jesus our Savior I pray, amen.”

Monica was overcome with emotion. She hadn’t heard someone pray for her in years. This woman she just met seemed to truly care for her. Being in this place made her think of her parents and all the years they spent trying to get her to come to church, to make the Lord a priority in her life. She missed them desperately in this moment. Monica didn’t dare look up yet. She wasn’t fully in control of her emotions. She hadn’t been in control of anything in years.

Joyce Lepley spoke softly to her. “Dear, if you want to share anything with me, I am more than happy to listen. If you just want me to sit here while you think or pray to the Lord on your own, I can do that too. Just let me know what you need.” Joyce smiled, and was relieved that Monica glanced up at her.

“Um, I need help.” Monica began in a whisper. “See, a long time ago I had a relationship with God. My parents are Christians and I was saved as a young girl. But I was a very stubborn and rebellious young woman. I didn’t listen to the warnings He sent my way and now I’m alienated from my parents, divorced from my husband, I’ve had an abortion and I’m addicted to cocaine.” She dared look Joyce Lepley in the eye. “Would God even want me back?”

The eyes that looked back at Monica were the eyes of hurt, as though Joyce Lepley herself had been felt the same things. “Let me tell you something,” Joyce said softly, “whenever we are ready to go back to the Lord, He is there with His arms wide open to receive us.

“No matter what you’ve done, it’s already been forgiven. Every sin you would ever commit is what Christ died on the cross for. He knew the choices you would make, and still decided you were worth it. Now, if you are a believer as you say, He longs for you to see Him as a Father. And to see yourself as His child. That means you have to obey Him and do what He asks of You, no matter how hard and He will help you any time you need it. All it takes to go back to Him is a simple conversation. Would you like to pray and get your life right with God, Monica?”

Joyce Lepley’s eyes were so full of compassion and warmth. Monica knew she desperately needed to get right with God. There was no telling when she would overdose, or what could be mixed with the cocaine she used. She didn’t want her life to continue down this path, or end with her heart still so full of shame. It had been a long time since she had even thought of God, except to curse Him, that she didn’t know where to begin.

“I’m not sure what to say. I don’t remember how to pray. It’s been a long time.” Monica closed her eyes tightly and took in a deep, ragged breath. She pressed her fingers in the corners of her eyes to prevent more tears.

Joyce spoke again softly. “All you have to do is talk to God like the Father He is. If you want to get back under His protection and feel His presence and love, tell Him what you’ve done, and how sorry you are. He’s waiting for you, Monica. He wants you to come to Him. It’s time to stop running. I’ll leave you here to talk with Him however you like. I’ll be just over there under the big oak tree, alright? Whenever you’re finished, I want you to come find me so we can talk.” Joyce patted her shoulder and went to stand where she promised.